just...........? dance? [03 Jan 2010|02:52am] chevaron have i gone nuts? i can't believe the stuff i used to write in here. sitting on the last night of my winter break in illinois before i'm started in on that sweet last five months of college ever, it is 7 degrees outside, im' listening to goth synth pop, and re-evaluating every decision/motivation/emotion/depression/aggression/joy i've ever had in my life, and realizing it's all been deformed by its own low-appearing-high-functioning deformity. what makes people so afraid of expressing direct honesty?--like terrence malick said when many people attempt to express their innermost emotions they tend to come out in cliches--as if inevitably we all circle in on the same few vortexes of thought display. jeweled up, down and around; but cowardice, and fear of showing the actuality of your situation, is even more farty than any self-styled arty could ever be. still, what's with all this business of attempting to categorize, legitimize and over-theorize anything. nothing new, but it recycles its hold on you (me), its grip on my lack of control, till i realiZe its more worth it to get used to being uncomfortable, uncontrollable, than to let any desperate flinging get in the way of those sweet last five months, and beyond. "stiff and quick, and shiny" post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]